I Can Be Fearless
by embrace-the-deception
Summary: Sequel to You're Too Afraid. Nick and Jeff have finally found each other and are ready to start their new lives together. It won't be easy, but they've fought so hard for each other and they're not about to give up now. M for language, sexual references/themes, violence, drugs.
1. Decisions

**Hi everyone, and welcome to the sequel to You're Too Afraid To Admit It Might Be Love! I know it's been a while since I finished YTA, but I've been busy with uni, exams and NaNo. I'm also going to be busy with work over Christmas so updates won't come quick. However, I almost have the second chapter finished so hopefully it won't be too long :)**

**This story won't be exactly like YTA - sometimes I'll do a few chapters at a certain point, then skip ahead a while in time. I don't have a specific end in sight either, so we'll just have to see how things go.**

**For now, though enjoy this chapter!**

* * *

Jeff stopped at the door to his shared room with Sebastian and smiled to himself. The shock of the previous night hadn't quite worn off yet, and neither had the giddy feeling that overcame him every time he thought of Nick. Still smiling, he pushed open the door and looked around. The room was considerably smaller than the one they'd had in Westerville, due to the fact that they now had half the normal income. There was barely room for the both of them and only one bed – in which Sebastian was sound asleep, arm dangling over the edge. Squashed in the corner was the mattress Jeff had salvaged for his own bed and he dropped down onto it. As he tugged off his boots he heard the groaning that indicated Sebastian was waking up and in his head, started counting down to the moment that he knew was coming.

_Three, two, one…_

"Hey," Sebastian mumbled, still half-asleep "I take it last night went well."

Jeff's smile widened. "Yeah."

He met the other's gaze. Sebastian, head propped up on one hand, looked at him with a half-smile and a raised eyebrow. "Well? Spill."

Jeff's thoughts were drawn to his parting kiss with Nick and ducked his head. "He let me stay the night with him."

Sebastian snorted. "He 'let' you? I bet he couldn't get your ass in bed fast enough."

The blonde couldn't help but laugh. He wasn't wrong. As his thoughts wandered over the events of the previous night, he remembered the conversation he'd had with Nick less than an hour ago, and the conversation he still needed to have with Sebastian.

"Nick asked me to move in with him."

Both of Sebastian's eyebrows shot up. "It went _very _well then." He paused for a second before asking, "What did you say?"

Jeff didn't miss the wary tone of his voice. He didn't understand how Sebastian could possibly think he'd just leave him – not after all they'd been through and all they'd done for each other. He smiled at the brunette and said, "I told him I wanted to, but I needed to talk to you."

"What about?" The wariness was replaced by indifference faster than Jeff had anticipated. "If you want to move in with him, then do it."

"Sebastian," Jeff said "I'm not going to leave. Not unless we've sorted something out. You're my friend."

The brunette shrugged. "And you're in love with Nick."

"That doesn't change the fact that you come first. You always come first."

That threw him. Sebastian blinked and his face dropped. Jeff nodded in response to the unasked question – _Really?_ "I'm not going anywhere before we talk about it."

It took a few seconds, but soon enough Sebastian's air of apathy returned and he replied, "If that's how you want to do it. Any suggestions?"

Jeff nodded. "Nick offered to let you stay with him for a while, until you get something else sorted out. I'm not going to leave you here on your own."

"I can't imagine anything more fun than living with you two," Sebastian drawled and the blonde rolled his eyes. "It's something."

"What does he think I'm going to sort out? Does he think I'm going to get a job and a house and become a respectable citizen? Because it's not likely."

"I think you can," Jeff said quietly. "Sebastian, he's not just offering me a way out. He's giving you a way out too. You can get help. It's not too late." He held up a hand when Sebastian opened his mouth. "Not even for you."

The brunette huffed out a sigh. "There's nothing out there that's going to fix me, Jeff. I'm long past that."

"You can at least try. Maybe we can get you into rehab and you can get clean."

Sebastian scoffed at that and Jeff sighed. "I know you could do it. You might not believe it but I do. And if I'm getting out, if I get to have a second chance, then so do you. Me and you, remember?"

The other nodded, his expression dropping. "Yeah, I remember."

"Where you go, I go. And if you decide to stay, then so do I."

Sebastian frowned at the blonde. "That's blackmail."

"Are you surprised?"" Jeff said with a raised eyebrow. After a moment of silence, the reply came. "No."

"Well, it's up to you." He returned to pulling his boots off and getting changed out of his working clothes. "Is there anything to eat?"

"Nope." Sebastian settled back under the covers "You were supposed to go buy food with last night's pay, remember?"

"Shit, yeah." Jeff tugged his jeans over his hips before slumping back on the mattress. Work had been scarce recently and they'd only just made their rent the day before, which had left them broke. He'd forgotten about their food and money issues as soon as he'd laid eyes on Nick. "I'll see if I can borrow some cash from Cara. Or I'll have to make it up tonight."

"You're going to work tonight?" Sebastian asked curiously.

The thought made his stomach turn, but Jeff knew he had to. "It's not like I have a choice. I still have to look after us."

Sebastian was quiet after that and it wasn't long before Jeff started to doze off, though his hunger kept him from drifting off completely. Just as he reached a blissful haze where all he could think about was Nick, he was woken by something buzzing. He blinked his eyes open and blearily searched the mess of clothes around his mattress for his phone. He was smiling before he'd even picked up the call.

"Hey."

"_Hey_," came Nick's voice "_Are you okay? You don't sound okay._"_  
_  
"I'm fine," Jeff smiled "Just tired. You made it home alright?"

"_Yeah, just got back. It feels weird being here now. I miss you._"

"I miss you too."

Nick chuckled. "_It's only been half an hour. We shouldn't miss each other yet. I shouldn't feel like I don't know what to do with myself._"

"One night isn't enough; not after two years," Jeff said. As soon as he spoke, a heaviness came over him and he felt the need to apologise. "I'm sorry."

"_What for?_"

"It's my fault it's been two years."

"_Don't apologise for that,_" Nick said quietly, comfortingly "_It's the past. Everything's okay now. Right?_"

"Yeah. Everything's okay now." Jeff rubbed his eyes. "I talked to Sebastian. He's deciding what he wants to do."

"_Great_." He could tell Nick was smiling _"Tell me when he makes up his mind."_

"Trust me, you'll be the first to know."

Nick laughed. _"I'll let you sleep. Talk to you soon?"_

"Yeah, talk to you soon," Jeff agreed.

Once they said goodbye and hung up, Jeff tossed his phone back onto the tangle of clothes and dropped back onto his mattress. He curled up and with a smile on his face, started to slip away into a half-asleep daze. He didn't notice Sebastian watching him from the bed, and he didn't notice the eye roll or the small smile the brunette gave him before rolling onto his back.

* * *

Sebastian woke to the soft light of morning and the smell of something delicious. He groaned and looked around for the source of the smell, grinning as he spotted the brown paper bag at the foot of his bed. He grabbed the bag as he sat up. Another groan escaped him, this time of anticipation and delight when he saw the fat blueberry muffin waiting for him. It was warm in his palm and he was halfway through devouring it before he even thought about where it had come from.

Immediately Sebastian looked down to the mattress on his left. Jeff was there, looking as if he'd passed out as soon as he'd gotten home. His boots were off but he hadn't removed his makeup, and his face was smudged with eyeliner and glitter. Sebastian shook his head, shoving the rest of the muffin in his mouth. Jeff did too much. He worked hard, taking any job offered to him, exhausting himself just to keep a roof over their heads. Sebastian felt guilty about not being able to contribute, but he couldn't do his usual work without fear and more guilt, and nowhere would hire him. If he could just find a way to help out, then Jeff wouldn't have to push himself so much.

Sebastian was startled from his thoughts by the sound of a phone ringing. He recognised the ringtone immediately – Jeff's. But the blonde was sound asleep and not giving any sign that he'd even heard it. He decided to check the caller ID and ferreted around until he found the phone at the bottom of one of Jeff's boots. As soon as he saw that is was Nick calling, Sebastian bit his lip. He wasn't sure whether to leave it and tell Jeff later or answer it and tell Nick to call back. Just as the last tones were sounding, he decided to pick up the call.

"Jeff's phone."  
_  
"Oh… uh…"_

"It's Sebastian."  
_  
"Oh. Hi."  
_  
There was a short awkward pause as Sebastian glanced back at Jeff, still asleep. "Jeff's asleep right now."  
_  
"I, uh… I'll call him back later then. Sorry."  
_  
There was another awkward pause. Sebastian chewed on his lip, contemplating whether he should say anything. Then Nick said he was going to hang up, and he panicked.

"Wait, don't."  
_  
"Um, okay."_

The brunette sighed. "Jeff told me you want him to move in with you."  
_  
"Yeah, I do,"_ Nick replied _"But he wanted to talk to you about it first."  
_  
"I don't know why. It's not like I'm going to stop him."

Nick was quiet on the other end for a few moments. _"He cares a lot about you. He said he couldn't just leave you."_

"It'd be better for him if he did. I'm not good for him. You've always known that." He couldn't hold back the bitterness in his voice. He'd taken it upon himself to protect Jeff from the moment they'd first met. The blonde had only been a teenager at the time, scared and alone and desperate for someone to care about him. Sebastian had accepted that duty; had looked after him and kept him safe. At least, that had always been the plan. But he'd ended up hurting Jeff more times than he cared to remember, and Nick had reminded him of that before.  
_  
"I know we've… had our differences in the past,"_ Nick said _"But we should put that behind us, for Jeff's sake. I'm sorry for what I've said to you. And you have done a lot for him. He wouldn't care so much about you if you hadn't."_

Sebastian sighed and crossed his legs under him, the floorboards pressing hard against his ankles. "Whatever. We don't get on, and I don't see that we ever will. I just know that you're good for him. You make him happy and you can keep him safe. I can't do that. But I also know that he won't go with you unless I come too. So I have a proposal."  
_  
"I'm listening."  
_  
"That offer you made, about me staying with the two of you for a while. Is it still on the table?"

Nick confirmed it, and Sebastian took a deep breath before continuing. "Then I'll come with him. I'll stay with you for a couple of days, to make it look real, and then I'll leave. I'll tell him I've found some opportunity or something and I'll just let you two get on with your lives. He doesn't need me anymore, and there's no way I'm going to interfere in something that makes him happy. He deserves that. So I'll make some excuse and then you'll never have to see me again. Sound fair?"

Nick was quiet for a long time before he answered. _"Sebastian, he's not an idiot. He'll know. And to be honest, I think he'll be a lot happier with you in his life."  
_  
"He'll be too loved-up to notice anything," Sebastian said dismissively "Anyway, he needs to move on. So?"  
_  
"If that's really the way you want it. But I can't promise I won't tell him any of this if he asks."  
_  
"As long as it's after I'm gone, then it doesn't matter. I'll tell Jeff the good news when he wakes up."

He hung up without a goodbye and left the phone in Jeff's small pile of clothes. He'd just hauled himself up to sit on the edge of the bed when Jeff started shifting around. A minute later and the blonde blinked his eyes open slowly.

"Morning," the brunette called, chuckling at the sight of the other's makeup-smudged face and messy hair. Jeff screwed up his face and muttered the same back. He took a few moments to pull himself to a sitting position and once he was settled, starting running his fingers through his hair to untangle it.

"You're unusually cheerful this morning," he said, raising an eyebrow.  
_  
I'm happy for you_, Sebastian thought as he gestured with his head to the phone nestled amongst the clothes. "Nick called. We talked."

Jeff's eyes widened. "What?"

Sebastian couldn't stop the smile that spread over his face at the eagerness and hope that flooded the blonde's voice. He waited for a few minutes to build suspense, finally giving in when Jeff asked impatiently, "Well?"

"You should probably call him back and sort out when you're going to move in."

Jeff's face lit up and he threw himself from the floor into Sebastian, wrapping his arms around him tightly. The brunette started in shock but relaxed into the hug quickly.

"Thank you," the blonde grinned.

"You're squeezing… the life out of me," Sebastian choked out dramatically, making Jeff pull back and punch him lightly in the shoulder. He dropped back down onto the mattress, still with a massive grin on his face.

"I need to call him back," he said as he scrambled for his phone.

As he watched his friend bounce up and down as he waited for the call to connect, Sebastian knew he'd made the right decision.

* * *

**I'd really appreciate reviews. Hope you liked! :)**


	2. Treat Him Well

**Apologies for taking so long in getting this chapter out (I'm sure you're used to it by now, and I apologise for that as well). I only have a vague plan for the next chapter so I can't promise the next one will come out any quicker, but I will do my best! I hope you all enjoy this one though :)**

* * *

Nick tapped his fingers against the steering wheel nervously. He was less than ten minutes away from Jeff, from picking him up and taking him home for good. It was something he'd dreamed of happening but now that the moment was almost upon him, Nick was panicking. What if things didn't work out? He wasn't sure he'd be able to live with himself if he messed this up. He'd been waiting years for the chance to be with Jeff but maybe the dark, niggling thoughts lurking in the back of his mind were right – he was taking things too fast, he hadn't seen Jeff in years, who knew if a relationship between them would ever work?

The thoughts had been pressing at him since he'd come down off his high at seeing Jeff again. He'd tried to ignore them, but the closer he drove the harder it was. And another side was also pushing at him – a side that was terrified that when he saw Jeff again, he'd be rejected. Maybe in the last few days Jeff had decided that this was all a horrible idea and he'd call the whole thing off.

Nick gripped the steering wheel more tightly. He was being stupid. He'd spoken to the blonde half an hour ago and he'd been excited to see him. It didn't matter that he hadn't been with Jeff the past two years – they loved each other. They'd make it work. That thought was enough to calm him and sooner than he thought he was turning into Jeff's street.

His heart began to race again as he pulled up outside the right building. It took him a few moments to relax himself again, think of how Jeff had told him he loved him before he could get out of the car, and by the time he did Jeff was already there.

Nick couldn't help himself – he grinned and stepped forward to hug him. The blonde returned the smile and threw his arms around him, holding him tightly. A second later they pulled back and Jeff dived in for a kiss. It was only then that Nick allowed himself to believe that everything would be okay. He smiled into the kiss and wrapped his arms around the blonde's waist, lifting him off the ground a little.

When they broke apart, Nick saw Sebastian over Jeff's shoulder, standing in the doorway and looking away in an attempt to give them some space. There were a few bags at his feet and one over his shoulder. He leaned on the doorframe and flicked his gaze up – when he realised the pair had stopped and Nick was looking at him, he pushed himself off and tried to smile.

"Are you ready?" Nick asked, looking between Sebastian and Jeff. The blonde still in his arms nodded. "Yeah, we've sorted everything out."

"Ready whenever you are," Sebastian said.

"Great. Jeff, could you put all your stuff in the car? I just want to talk to Sebastian for a sec."

Jeff smiled and nodded. "Sure." Once he'd grabbed the bags and moved away from the door, Nick stepped up close and spoke, keeping his voice low. "Are you still planning on disappearing?"

The man shrugged. "Yeah. It's what's best."

Nick shook his head. "I really don't think it is – not for you or Jeff."

"Don't you start worrying about me," Sebastian replied dismissively "And Jeff doesn't need me holding him back. He has you now; he's moving on."

The brunette opened his mouth to argue but Sebastian waved a hand to silence him. "Just treat him well. He deserves that. Besides, if you don't, I'll kill you."

There wasn't the slightest hint of humour in his voice. Nick nodded. "I know."

He looked back over his shoulder and saw Jeff leaning against the car waiting for them. He smiled and met Sebastian's gaze again.

"Ready?"

Sebastian rolled his eyes and walked over to the car without replying. He slid into the back seat as Nick followed him over, waiting until Jeff was in the passenger seat before getting in himself. He started the car again and with a quick glance at Jeff, who couldn't contain his grin, he began the trip home.

* * *

Nothing could quite prepare Nick for the rush he felt as he unlocked and opened the front door of his house. Because it wasn't his house anymore. He was sharing it with Jeff now, and he couldn't stop himself from grinning as he let the blonde and Sebastian enter first. He shut the door behind them and watched as Jeff turned back and smiled shyly at him, gripping the strap of his messenger back.

"Everything looks the same."

"I suppose I haven't really needed to change anything," Nick replied. Then he turned to Sebastian and said, "It's all been short notice, so I've only got the couch for you to sleep on. But I've got a spare room with my photography stuff in it – I can start clearing that out tomorrow–"

Sebastian shook his head and interrupted. "The couch is fine." The pointed look Nick got told him the rest of what the other wanted to say. _I'm not going to be staying long._

For a short moment there was an awkward silence, until Sebastian cleared his throat and said, "I think I'm going to go for a walk. Leave you two to… sort things out." He shot Jeff a wink, making the blonde roll his eyes. Then he left his bag tucked away in the corner and sauntered out the front door.

Nick met Jeff's eyes. Jeff looked away for a moment, then back again, and chuckled. Nick laughed, and before he knew it he had Jeff in his arms and was kissing him, holding him close. Jeff wrapped his arms around Nick's shoulders and smiled into the kiss. When they broke apart, Nick said quietly, "I'm so glad you're here."

Jeff rested his forehead on Nick's. "So am I."

Nick leaned down and kissed him again. He slid his hands down to Jeff's hips and gently pushed him backwards, through the hallway door and towards the closest piece of furniture he could reach. The back of Jeff's knees hit the edge of the couch and he fell backwards with a laugh, pulling Nick with him. Before the blonde could react, Nick had him pinned with his body and was simultaneously laying kisses down his throat and sliding a hand under his shirt. Jeff's breath shuddered as he tried to speak, a smile still playing on his lips. He wriggle a little in an attempt to escape, which only made Nick hold onto him tighter.

"Nick," Jeff laughed "S-Stop it!"

The brunette paused in the middle of sucking a hickey just above the other's collarbone. He nuzzled at it once, then lifted his head and looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Really?" Jeff's rapid breathing and flushed cheeks told him otherwise. Jeff bit his lip and Nick held himself in check.

"Not completely," the blonde said, and his cheeks reddened even more "Just not here."

"Oh?"

"Sebastian will kill me."

For a long moment they just stared at each other, Jeff still biting his lip. And then Nick snorted and dropped his head into the other's shoulder. Jeff shook with laughter beneath him, and it was the most beautiful sound Nick had ever heard. He lifted his head again. If he hadn't already been smiling, he wouldn't have been able to stop himself at the look on Jeff's face. Bright eyed, grinning, and happier than he ever remembered seeing him before.

He got to his feet and in one quick move, slid his hands under Jeff's knees and back and lifted him up. The blonde grabbed hold of him quickly and stared at him in slight amazement.

"Looks like I can still carry you," Nick said as he made his way to the bedroom.

Jeff tilted his head. "When have you ever carried me?"

Nick's smiled faded a little as the memory associated with his words came to mind. An alley, a dumpster, handprints on Jeff's arms. Carrying him to the car, and then into the hospital. He was pulled out of the memory of blood smeared across the other's cheek by a gentle hand on his own. He blinked. Jeff looked at him with concern. He tried to smile.

"Are you okay?"

Nick nodded. "I'm fine." He pushed open the door to the bedroom with his foot and kicked it shut behind him. Jeff shifted until Nick let him down, and then he held the brunette's eye as he opened his mouth to speak. Nick got in first.

"I won't let anyone hurt you. Ever."

Jeff blinked and frowned. After a minute or two, he smiled a little and said, "I know. Do you remember you promised me that two years ago?"

Nick frowned. "No?"

"I'd had a nightmare."

"You had a lot of nightmares."

Jeff sighed and rested his head on the other's chest, wrapping his arms around him loosely. "Yeah I did." He paused. "You kissed me. I asked you to. It was the first time you stayed with me."

Nick hugged him back. "I remember that."

Jeff chuckled. "Of course you do." He paused again. "I never thanked you for that."

"You didn't have to."

"Thank you though."

Nick ran a hand through the blonde's hair and smiled. After a few minutes of silence, just standing there happily, Jeff spoke again. "What brought this up?"

"Hmm?"

"You said you'd never let anyone hurt me. Why'd you bring it up now? What's wrong?"

Nick sighed. "It's nothing."

Jeff looked up at him. Nick bit his lip. He couldn't resist those eyes. He gestured to the bed and Jeff took him up on the offer, pulling Nick with him and curling up with him in his arms. Nick spoke quietly, about delirious ramblings and saving a life in the backseat of his car. Jeff started shaking and Nick stopped to pull Jeff into his arms and against his chest instead. He tried to kiss him but Jeff wouldn't let him. So Nick just held him and told him a different story, followed by another and another – about his job, his friends, his boss, his parents. Eventually, in the middle of telling him about the first time he'd met Hayley – all bounce and spring and joy – Jeff stopped shaking. Nick smiled and rubbed his back. Jeff pushed his face into the brunette's neck.

"I'm sorry," he muttered, barely audible.

"You don't have anything to apologise for."

"I told you I'm not okay." His voice, quiet as it was, sounded choked, and he started trembling again under Nick's hands. Nick pressed the blonde against him firmly with one hand, while the other played with his hair.

"And I told you I don't care. As long as we both want this, I'm not going to let anything stand between us. Not anymore."

Jeff tried to suck in a deep breath but he shuddered halfway through and gave up. His body tightened and tried to curl but Nick didn't let him.

"I'm going to help you. And get you help. And whatever else you need. Because I lo-"

"Don't say it!" Jeff suddenly shouted into the crook of Nick's shoulder, surprising him. Before he could say anything else, Jeff started to babble desperately. "Don't say it, I don't want to remember what he did… what he did to me, what he said, what he made me do, I don't want to remember that, don't make me remember that-"  
The blonde kicked out and pushed at Nick's chest until he let go. As soon as he was free he curled into a ball, no longer coherent. His breaths were rapid and choked. Nick's heart pounded as got to his knees and reached out a hand. As soon as he touched Jeff's shoulder the blonde jerked away from him.

"Jeff, it's okay. Just calm down, please." Nick shifted as close as he dared. "No one's going to hurt you. I'm here, remember? I'm not going to let anything happen to you. No one can hurt you anymore."

"Nick, I'm scared," Jeff managed to say between broken breaths.

"I know. You need to breathe, okay? Just breathe, in and out."

He kept his own breathing slow and steady, throwing in encouragement when he saw it was having an effect. Minutes passed and Jeff tried to match the other's pace, slowly uncurling and meeting his gaze with watery eyes. Eventually the shudders subsided and he could sit up, though by the way he was holding himself up Nick could tell he didn't really trust his own body and strength at that point.

"I'm here. You're okay."

"I'm sorry," Jeff hiccupped.

"You don't need to be." He reached out a hand, then paused for a moment. "Is it okay if I touch you?" he asked softly. Jeff gave a single nod, and Nick gently ran his fingers through the blonde's hair.

"We'll figure this out," he said "I'm not giving up on you."

Jeff's eyes suddenly filled with a shine and light Nick hadn't seen before. For a long few moments the blonde stared at him with what he could only describe as an awe-struck expression, before he smiled ever so slightly and whispered, "Thank you."


	3. Friendly Concern

**Apologies are in order, as I said on Tumblr over a week ago that I would post this chapter the next day and... here we are. However, in that week I went to see a One Direction concert (which was super rad!) and my little nephew was born as well (also super rad!) so I've had a busy time. Plus, uni has just started again. But all that's in the past, so here is the next chapter and I hope you enjoy it!**

* * *

When Sebastian checked the handle of the front door, he found it was unlocked. Carefully he opened it a little and poked his head in. He'd given the pair quite a while to 'sort things out' but he still didn't want to walk in on them.

_God, that's the last thing in the world I want to see._

He couldn't hear anything to suggest they were in the middle of something – he couldn't hear anything at all. The house was absolutely still. Sebastian frowned. Quietly he stepped in and shut the door behind him. His bag was still wedged in the corner where he'd left it and he slung it over his shoulder. Looking around, he wandered into the living room. No Jeff, no Nick. He tucked his bag down the side of the couch and sat down, stretching out his legs.

_They've probably tired themselves out_, Sebastian thought and rolled his eyes. He looked around for the TV remote to pass some time, and had just located it behind a stack of books on the coffee table when he heard a door opening. Alert, he twisted around to see Nick emerging from what he assumed was the bedroom, closing the door quietly behind him.

_Fully dressed_, Sebastian noted, raising an eyebrow slightly. Once the door was closed, Nick turned around and caught sight of the slim brunette on the couch. He stepped back a little in surprise, then shook his head.

"Hey. I didn't know you were back."

"Only just got here," Sebastian replied.

Nick gestured back to the room with his thumb. "Jeff's asleep."

"I gathered."

They lapsed into an uneasy silence for a minute. Eventually Sebastian turned back to get the remote but before he could turn the TV on, Nick spoke again.

"You should stay."

Sebastian rolled his eyes again. "Why would I want to stay and be the weird third wheel in your budding romance?"

Nick moved around the couch to sit down, giving the other his space. "Because it's what's best. For Jeff and for you."

Sebastian gave him a hard stare. "You think you know what's best for me? You don't know shit about me."

"I know you're sick. And you're on drugs. You can get help."

"I don't need your help."

"Then don't stay for you. Stay for Jeff. You might not think he needs you, but he does. He just had a panic attack before, and that's when everything's supposed to be good. I have no idea what he'll be like if you leave, but it won't be good."

"He thinks he needs me, but he… wait, what did you say?" Sebastian frowned. "Did you say 'panic attack'?"

Nick nodded. "He freaked out. I could barely calm him down."

Sebastian's jaw tightened and he could feel the familiar rise of anger in his body. He got to his feet and before either of them knew it, he was standing over Nick and pinning him to the couch with his hands around his throat.

"A panic attack?" Sebastian growled "He hasn't had a fucking panic attack in months. Months! He used to have them all the fucking time and then they started to go away. And now you're telling me he's gone and had another one?"

Nick kicked out and tried to pry Sebastian's fingers away but he didn't let up – instead, he pressed harder to stop him fighting back.

"I told you to look after him!" His voice started to rise. "I told you to treat him well and make sure he was okay! You're supposed to be the one that's good for him! I'm the one that fucks him up, not you!"

Nick only fought harder. He continued to kick and finally landed a blow with his knee to Sebastian's crotch. The man let go and staggered back until he hit the coffee table and fell in a heap on the ground. Nick got to his feet but never had the chance to move as Jeff's voice rang out.

"What the fuck is going on?"

Nick immediately turned and rounded the couch to wrap an arm gently around the blonde's back, asking if he was okay. Jeff dismissed his question but didn't push him away. Sebastian sat up, a hand to his crotch.

"What just happened?" Jeff asked, looking between the two.

Sebastian looked at Nick, waiting for him to tell the blonde how he'd been attacked, strangled, shouted at. For a few moments it looked as if Nick would actually say it. There was a dark look in his eyes and Sebastian stared at him, daring him to prove that he was right – that they would never get on. That he was too volatile and dangerous.

But then the look faded and Nick said hoarsely, "It was just a misunderstanding."

Sebastian frowned, confused. Jeff raised an eyebrow, but the quizzical look vanished when he noticed the red marks around Nick's neck. He touched them, met Nick's eye, then turned to Sebastian.

"What did you do?"

He dropped his head. This was what needed to happen. If Jeff shouted at him, wanted him gone, then that would make it all the easier to disappear. He heard the blonde walk towards him, heard him push Nick away and tell him to not to hold him back.

"Did you hurt him?"

"What do you think?" he shot back, still not looking at him.

"Fucking hell, Sebastian, you haven't even been here a day and you're already trying to kill him."

"We both knew that me coming here was a bad idea," Sebastian replied.

"I thought you'd try a little harder to not kill the guy you know I care about!" Jeff shouted and Sebastian flinched back. He kept his head down as Jeff continued yelling. "Why? Why would you do that? Can you not control yourself? I know you don't like him but you said it yourself, he makes me happy!"

He paused for a moment to breathe and Sebastian prepared himself for another barrage. But the next voice wasn't Jeff's, and it was much calmer.

"He was protecting you."

Sebastian looked up and saw Jeff staring at Nick. "What?"

"I told him you'd had a panic attack. He thought I wasn't treating you properly."

He met the other brunette's gaze. Nick's eyes were softer now, understanding even over the anger Sebastian could still see there. Jeff looked back down at him and asked, "Really?"

Finally, he made eye contact with his friend and muttered, "Yeah."

"You thought he'd made me have a panic attack?"

"Yeah."

Jeff ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "You could have killed him."

"I told him I would, if he hurt you."

Nick nodded. "He did."

"Well, that doesn't make things any better!" Jeff snapped. "You can't go around strangling Nick whenever I have a panic attack! They're not going to magically disappear now that I'm here with him!"

"You haven't had any for months." Sebastian folded his arms over his chest and crossed his legs, wincing slightly at the movement.

Jeff sighed. "You didn't know I'd had any. Considering they mostly happen at night, I just stopped telling you. I knew they made you worry."

Sebastian opened his mouth to reply, then stopped. Jeff nodded and stepped a little to the side and pointed at Nick. "Apologise to him."

"Yes, mom," he muttered. Jeff glared at him until Sebastian sighed and said, "I'm sorry for strangling you and almost maybe killing you."

"Now promise you won't do it again."

Sebastian started to protest but was met with Jeff's glare again. He could see the blonde was tired and he didn't want to push him any more than he already had. So he looked back to Nick and said, "I promise I won't try to kill you again."

"Good." Jeff rubbed at his eyes with one hand. Nick stepped forward and offered a hand. "You should go back to bed," he said softly. Jeff nodded and let Nick guide him back to the bedroom.

Once the door was shut, Sebastian sighed and dropped onto his back on the floor.

_Fucking hell._

* * *

When Jeff woke to the morning sun shining down on him, wrapped in warm blankets in the softest bed he'd ever felt, he didn't want to open his eyes. Because warm blankets and a soft bed meant Nick, and he didn't want to look around and realize he was dreaming. He still wasn't entirely sure that the whole 'moving in with Nick' thing had actually happened. If he opened his eyes and found himself on his mattress in his tiny room in Columbus, he couldn't handle it.

Jeff felt something move behind him and the gentle sounds of breathing filtered in over his paranoia. He remained still, taking in every tiny movement and hitch of breath, letting the fear slither away and replacing it with happiness. He smiled to himself.

Just as he nestled his head further into the pillow to try and get some more sleep, he felt Nick's movements pick up a little. His breathing changed and then there was a quiet yawn. Jeff rolled over and finally opened his eyes.

His smile widened at seeing Nick rubbing at his eyes and pushing unruly hair away from his face, lit up from the window. Nick noticed him out of the corner of his eye and smiled, twisting onto his side to face him.

"Did I wake you up?" he asked, his voice slightly rough.

Jeff shook his head. "No," he replied "I was already awake."

"You look great," Nick said with sincerity.

Jeff chuckled. "I have bedhead and morning breath."

"And yet I still want to kiss you."

He leaned in a little and Jeff did the same, meeting in the middle. It was a gentle, chaste kiss, and when they pulled back Jeff had to look away from the adoration he could see in Nick's eyes. The other's fingers slipped under Jeff's chin and tilted his head up.

"I love you."

For a few seconds Jeff just smiled, and only when he opened his mouth to say it back did memories come rushing in, surprising him.

_Sometimes he'd even let himself believe he'd wake up next to someone who'd roll onto their side, smile at him, and whisper 'I love you'._

"Jeff?"

The blonde rolled over away from Nick, already welling up. Furiously he rubbed at his eyes, but couldn't wipe the smile from his face as intense joy filled his entire being. Nick laid a hand on Jeff's shoulder and tried to pull him back over. Jeff let him, even though a few stray tears had escaped down his cheeks.

"Jeff? Are you okay? What is it? Did I do something?" he asked, eyes wide as he brushed the tears away with his thumbs.

"I'm okay."

Nick didn't look convinced. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah." A short laugh escaped him. "I just… when things were bad… before… the one thing I would think about was being out of the job, in a nice place, and waking up next to someone who would tell me they… that they loved me…"

He choked, still grinning madly. Nick's expression shifted from confused to understanding and he pulled the blonde close with a smile.

"You scared me," he said into Jeff's hair, kissing the top of his head. "I do love you, so much. And I'm going to tell you as much as possible because that's how much you deserve to hear it."

"I… I love you too," Jeff said into the other's shoulder. "I really do. But…"

Nick let him shuffle back so they could meet each other's eye, although Jeff found that hard to do as he continued. "But it's still kind of weird to say it, you know? I'm not… used to it."

"You don't have to say it," Nick said. "I know."

"I want to say it. I just want you to know, in case I don't say it straight away or something."

"Okay." Nick smiled. Then he reached over and pulled Jeff into his arms again, this time keeping their faces close. "Now," he said "How attached are you to the idea of getting out of bed today?"

* * *

It wasn't until his phone rang a few hours later that Nick even contemplated the idea of leaving the bedroom. For the first few rings he considered ignoring it but at Jeff's insistence, rolled over and grabbed his phone from the bedside table.

"Hello." He grinned as Jeff began drawing patterns down his side with his finger.

"_Nice to finally hear from you_," Thad said on the other end.

Nick could imagine his friend rolling his eyes in annoyance – and he didn't blame him. He'd been ignoring almost everyone since he'd reconnected with Jeff. The only person he'd kept in the loop was Hayley because she already knew the situation. Plus, it'd been helpful to have someone to vouch for him when he'd asked for a few days off work for personal reasons. He just couldn't trust himself to keep everything quiet until he knew how Jeff felt about letting people know.

"Sorry. What's up?"

"_I just thought I'd see if I could get through to you. You've been notably absent all weekend_."

"I've been busy," Nick replied. He swallowed hard as Jeff pressed a few kisses between his shoulder blades.

"_You know you can't just drop off the map like that. We worry_."

Thad's tone was sobering and he took hold of Jeff's hand on his side, running his thumb over the other's fingers. "You really don't need to. I'm fine."

"_We're just looking out for you_."

"I know," Nick replied. "And you know I'm grateful. But there's nothing wrong."

"_Good. So why have you been ignoring everyone?_"

Nick sighed. "Look, can I talk to you later? I'm kind of in the middle of something."

Again, he could imagine Thad's eyeroll. "_Whatever. At least I know you're alive and not drowning in your own vomit_."

It wasn't hard to miss the frustration in the other's voice. "I promise, just give me a few hours. I'll get back to you."

"_Fine._"

Before he could say anything else, Thad hung up. Nick sighed and returned his phone to its place. He twisted onto his other side and found Jeff giving him a confused look.

"What was that about?"

"I've kind of been ignoring everyone for the past few days. They're a little pissed." Nick admitted.

"Why?"

"Because I didn't want to tell them about you yet. Not until you wanted me to."

Jeff's frown deepened. "They don't know that I'm here?"

"They don't know I've even seen you again. The only person who knows is Hayley."

Jeff ran a hand through his hair, brushing it away from his eyes. "You should tell them."

"I will. I just want to make sure you're ready."

Jeff smiled and kissed him gently. When he pulled back, he said, "You can't ignore them forever."

"Once they know, that's it. It's official."

"Then let's make it official."

Nick smiled. He reached back and grabbed his phone. He opened a new message to Thad and quickly texted _Tell everyone to meet at the café for lunch tomorrow. I'll explain everything then._ Then he promptly abandoned his phone once more in favour of lavishing attention on the perfect man in front of him.


End file.
